


I'm Trying My Best

by EvanHarr98



Series: Songfic Series [2]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Ouch, my feels, this is NOT okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23756929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanHarr98/pseuds/EvanHarr98
Summary: I'm trying my bestI'm trying my best to be okayI'm trying my best but every day it's so hard
Relationships: Mumbo/Grian
Series: Songfic Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711198
Comments: 22
Kudos: 104





	I'm Trying My Best

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amestrisay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amestrisay/gifts).



> This is a painful fic guys, a whole lot of hurt/comfort. This work has been gifted to Amestrisay, who asked for this song to be used in the songfic series. :D I hope you enjoyed it, you angsty little demon!
> 
> It does use the idea of social anxiety and depression, but those themes are not explicitly stated, if just the nod to those things will trigger you, then please steer clear of this story. However, if you want to read it, please remember that you're not alone. 
> 
> Otherwise, I hope you enjoy this fic :D

_I know you think I got it all figured out_   
_'Cause I walk around like my head's in the clouds_   
_But I'm just a boy with his heart pouring out of his head_

Night had fallen over the hermitcraft server, Grian had asked so see Mumbo and the man had come. It had only taken a small note to be sent through the minecart messaging system. A simple: "I need to talk to you," was all it had taken for his best friend to come. Mumbo had been working through his base, filling in the large wrench like frames with the white concrete and iron blocks, he was visibly tired. Grian could see that. But he needed him. The two men had been close since the start of season six. They'd formed a strong bond of friendship and had even built their bases close together, chosen the same block pallet and had started a company. 

There was no one else on the server that Grian needed at that moment. Mumbo had flown over, firing more rockets than required, a part of him felt that the more rockets he used, the faster he'd fly. But yet, that was not the case, his elytra could only travel so fast, and once that limit was reached no one could go any quicker. He'd received that message and his heart had sunk, Grian would normally be so happy with his messages, dotting a smiley face on the page or even a sweet little compliment that would send a flurry of butterflies skittering through Mumbo's chest. 

But the simple note that he received was just as emotionally charged, although it was devoid of those things, it was filled with a different kind of energy, a feeling he had not seen on Grian's face. It was why Mumbo felt so compelled to get to Grian as fast as he had. Upon arrival to the other's hobbit-hole, he had begun a flurry of apologies and came up with a vary of excuses on how he had got so caught up with his base work, or that he hadn't visited his hobbit-hole in a while. But where there should have been jovial teasing, there was only an empty void. Grian had smiled softly and nodded, claiming that he understood. 

The blond watched Mumbo for a moment, he felt guilt constrict his heart at making the redstoner so concerned for him. But he needed this, he had to talk to someone, who better than his best friend. Of course, Grian had noticed the long gazes they'd throw at one another, or how he too would feel a swell of excited butterflies in his belly at the mere thought of the moustached man. He felt it now, he wished he had the energy to acknowledge it. Mumbo didn't deserve this, but he had no choice.

"Come on in. Would you like a drink?" The blond asked as he led the way inside his quaint little starter home. A flurry of chests lined the walls, each containing a mess of supplies that Grian had dumped in them, his mind felt like one of those chests. He felt full to the brim with useless thoughts. Thoughts he had no choice but to let out. But after sleepless nights being stuck with what was in his head, he had to talk about them. Mumbo's brows were knit together in a chiselled expression of concern, he followed Grian silently.

"A cup of tea?" He suggested, knowing that the warm brew calmed Grian's nerves on the best of times, he prayed that it would help now. Grian smiled softly at Mumbo's suggestion, he knew exactly why his friend had chosen that of all the other options. It was why he loved Mumbo so much.

Grian flicked the kettle on to boil and prepared the two mugs silently. Thoughts were flicking through his mind like a newsreel, one thing came after another with no break in between. He needed to get them out, needed help. Once the kettle had finished heating the water, he filled the two mugs and added sugar to his own before carrying them back to the couch that sat before the fire. It roared gently under the mantle, it lit Mumbo's features in the best way. The man in question fiddled with his moustache nervously as he waited for Grian to take his seat and open up. 

  
_I wish that you could see the pain that I've seen_   
_And all of the times I spent being not me_

_I hope you know that it's not always happy in my head_

"Grian what's going on?" Mumbo asked, his voice soft and pregnant with worry, he leant forward and reached a hand out to Grian, who sat on the couch adjacent. The blond pulled out of his reached and gave a soft shake of his head, deterring Mumbo. The raven-haired man pulled his hand away as if he had been burned. His eyes remained on Grian though, he watched the man. Grian looked so thin and hollow at that moment, the fire casting dancing shadows over the blond's face. He wished he could scoop up the smaller man and cuddle him. But that's not what Grian wanted, right?

Grian gave a soft sigh and stared at his mug on the coffee table, his eyes narrowed and flickering with fear. He needed to speak, he had called Mumbo over for that reason. But yet, he couldn't, could he? How could he find the words, it was like he was in a maze, filled with uncertainty and fear. "I can't do it anymore, Mumbo." His voice cracked as he spoke. Mumbo's heart clenched at how small those words made the man before him. Grian was always the life of the server, someone filled with happiness. But the man who sat before him was none of that, there was no hint to his usual mischievous demeanour. No happy fire hidden behind those eyes, just an empty shell of the man that Mumbo had come to know and love.

"What do you mean?" He asked. 

  
_'Cause I don't know_   
_The perfect road to go down_   
_But I know_

_I'm trying my best_   
_I'm trying my best to be okay_   
_I'm trying my best but every day it's so hard_

"I know I'm a silly guy, I like to be thought of as that. But, Mumbo. I keep hearing the tail end of conversations, whispers and gossip." He sniffled and wiped his face with the cuff of his jumper. As he spoke, echoes of those words he had heard danced in his mind, mocking him. 'He's just so annoying, isn't he?' They would say. 'I wish he'd just act his age.' or 'Do you know what? You're just as stupid as Grian.'

But, Mumbo didn't think any of that, right? He would never say any of that. Grian hoped and wished that he was right, but it seemed so easy to imagine those words falling from Mumbo's lips. "I'm the butt to every joke. I'm the idiot. The joker that no one really likes but puts up with." Grian continued, pushing aside the unhelpful thoughts, even though they broke his heart a little bit more, each time he thought about them. "I can't do it anymore. How can I continue being happy, when no one actually likes me? When they all just put up with me. This server would be much better off without me." A tear betrayed Grian's stoic expression, it slid down his cheek, it was as if that one single tear was the call out he had given to Mumbo, was a silent plea for help, a hand reaching for Mumbo to come closer, to hold him. Make everything okay.

_And I'm holding my breath_   
_I'm holding my breath 'til I can say_   
_All of the words I wanna say from my heart_

"I'm trying to be okay, I really am. But there's only so many things I can take." Grian huffed and brought his knees up to his chest, he was certain it was for comfort, but it was because he felt so vulnerable, so exposed that he had to hide himself away, if only slightly. "I can't stop thinking about what they say, and the more I think about it, the more I know they're right," Grian muttered, his chin wobbling dangerously.

_If you really wanted I could let you inside_   
_It's been so long and I've got nothing left to hide_   
_Would you believe me if I told you that I've got flaws_

Mumbo watched Grian as he spoke, with each new word, he felt his heart clench. His chest ached with the agony that was held in Grian's words, his hands itched to touch the man, he wanted to hold him. Show him he's not alone. The thought of Grian not being on the server almost broke Mumbo and he had to hold back a choking sob, his hand flew to his mouth to hold it in. He had to be strong for his friend. He had to be the man that Grian needed. "I don't think that, Gri." 

_Now it's time to let the curtains unfold_   
_And tell all the stories that I didn't want told_   
_I let it out so I unburden my soul I won't stop_

Grian glanced at Mumbo then, his watery eyes shimmered in the gentle hue of the fire. He smiled a soft but hollow smile. He nodded silently, the words not coming to his lips. The sound of Grian's nickname on Mumbo's lips tore the last string in his heart, it ripped him open and the tears fell then. Each lonely droplet meeting the other as they fell from his wobbling chin. "I know you don't, Mumby." He muttered, his voice breaking along with his heart. "You've always been there."

_'Cause I don't know_   
_The perfect road to go down_   
_But I know_

Mumbo nodded at Grian's words, needing them, hearing them. He smiled with the blond knowingly. He would always be there for him, no matter what happened, whether the server closed and they were cast away into a bottomless void, he would cling to Grian so the man would never be alone. Even if Grian left, Mumbo would follow, he would stand guard and watch over the smaller hermit. He would never let anyone get too close, if that was what Grian wanted. If Grian needed him to, he would walk until his legs could no longer carry him, and then he would drag himself further, all for Grian and nothing else. Because that was true, wasn't it? He loved Grian, with all he knew and all he was. Anything the blond needed, he would be.

_I'm trying my best_   
_I'm trying my best to be okay_   
_I'm trying my best but every day it's so hard_

"I heard Ren and Doc the other day, they laughed at some stupid chicken as it was trying to fly but couldn't because chickens can't fly, and they placed a name tag on it, they named it after me. They said that..." Grian paused, the memory flashing painfully in his mind, shooting poison darts into his nervous system. He had to continue, had to explain. Had to get it out. "They said that it was like me, that it was a dunce. Stupid." Grian's voice shook. "And then False was with Cleo, Stress and Iskall. They were all laughing about something silly I'd done. I think I'd died from lava not too long ago and they just laughed at me, they weren't concerned, they didn't care. They said that I deserved a comeuppance for being the way that I am." Grian glanced at the fire, the flames snickered and wheezed as it laughed along with the people, he'd considered friends, in his head. "Scar was talking about what happened in the last season, and how he thought I should stop being so nosy and getting involved with everyone's business, when he was the Jangler. I was only joking and trying to play along, I thought it was fun, but he just kept telling Xisuma how annoying I was and that he wished I wasn't around any more. Xisuma actually agreed with him, Mumbo." 

_And I'm holding my breath_   
_I'm holding my breath 'til I can say_   
_All of the words I wanna say from my heart_

Mumbo clenched his fist as he heard the words tumble from Grian's lips. His eyes shimmered with the anger he was barely keeping at bay, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched. How dare they, the people he had known as his friends had all hurt the one person he loved and cared for the most. There were no excuses for the words, none at all. Mumbo fought his vibrating muscles, he wanted to go out and prove to everyone how wrong they were, he needed to show them how amazing Grian was, he wanted to hurt them as much as they'd hurt Grian. But, that was it, Grian didn't need him to fight with them, he didn't need Mumbo to go out like a knight and save him from the dragon, he just needed Mumbo. He needed Mumbo's care, his understanding and his love. Mumbo was able to take back control of his body then, he glanced to Grian and let him continue.

_I'm trying my best_   
_I'm trying my best to be okay_   
_I'm trying my best but every day it's so hard_

"I can't take it any more." Grian said finally. His resolve dissolved then and he began to sob quietly into his drawn-up knees, his shoulders shook and his body trembled. His heart was broken and the two parts cast so far apart, he had no idea how to fix it. His mind was wiring, filled with black and putrid thoughts. He needed help. He needed love.

A soft hand warmed his arm and, at first, he flinched away, but the touch followed him, it was so gentle and nurturing. Grian glanced to where the touch had come from and saw that Mumbo was kneeling on the floor in front of him, his eyes were so deep and open, begging Grian to let himself fall into them, the heart he saw in Mumbo was beating stronger than he had ever seen it, he let himself fall into Mumbo's open arms, he buried his damp face in the crook of Mumbo's neck and sighed gratefully when he felt the warmth encase him, when Mumbo's arms wrapped around his body.

_And I'm holding my breath_   
_I'm holding my breath 'til I can say_   
_All of the words I wanna say from my heart_

They stayed like that, cuddled together on the floor of Grian's hobbit hole, the fire roared and bathed them with warmth as it clicked and popped with pride at the two. Mumbo continued to cuddle the broken man, in his arms. He kissed the top of Grian's head and let his eyes fall closed. "I'm here, he muttered quietly. I will always be here."

"Thank you Mumbo."

"I love you.

"I love you too."

The two men then gave into the comfort of sleep, tangled together. Neither was sure where to go from that point forward, except they both knew that they would never be alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't think I'd let you all get away that easy, do you? All this sweet fluff I've been treating you with, we had to have a bit of angst to balance things out :D
> 
> I do hope you all enjoyed it, and if you did, I love kudos and comments. If any of you have an idea for a songfic, please post it in the comments, or just let me know what you think if this story :D Thank you all so much for reading. 
> 
> Here is the link to the song:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZAkwVpzjC4


End file.
